Community of Love

One more in the line from Harishankar Parsai, this one originally in Hindi is named as "Prem Ki Biraadri" which can be translated to "Community of Love". Parsai was no doubt ahead of his time, through his words it seems he always tried to counter the illogical and orthodox ideas which leads to the separations specially in forms of Caste. But his style was unique, it wasn't primarily supposed to attack but simply show the illogical dimensions and then leave on the reader to think that too with sarcasm. He is known for making multiple mythological references in his stories too. this story is no exception.

So here is my translation, excuse me for the errors, I am not a professional just wanted to spread the words.

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His everything is pious. had a marriage in his own caste with bands and music. Wife didn't look at other male even in her seven lives. He got his son and daughter married with traditions. provided the dowry for the girl and took dowry for the son. Himself selected a boy and made him his daughter's husband. Himself selected a girl and made her the wife of his son.

   Everything of his is pious. he has property, have always time and passes time in the discussion about others defilement. Even then whatever time he is left with he picks out the white hairs from his mustache and wait for the lady who sells utensils.

  the face of purity needs the the dirty water of others impurity for cleanliness and glow. He always keeps the jug of water of others impurity. And as soon as he meets uses that water to show his sanctity. In last days he has already told the incident of 2 girls eloping, 3 women's abortion, 4 having inter-caste marriage and 2 married women's extra marital affairs.

  That day he came to me while picking his teeth. After lunch its really necessary to have the dessert of defilement discussion. helps in digestion. He started his dessert - "did you hear some mister's daughter eloped with some boy and they got married in Allahabad. What bad times has come". I know that he isn't actually sad with 'bad times', he is happy. more the bad times will come, happier he will get. Then they will feel proud about or will say that even in such bad times we are as good as earlier. Some people are very clever. They find the opportunity of personal pride in group degradation and feel free by saying their own degradation as group degradation.

 According to my own evil habit, I told - "What is there to worry about? In our country good and successful marriage has happened by getting the girl eloped. Lord Kishna eloped with Rukmini and Arjuna with Krishna's sister Subhadra. Krishna had supported it. If brother cooperate then it gets easier to elope with girl".

 He didn't know that I will slap him with Puranas. He got his composure and said - "Lord Krishna's story is different". I said - "Right, it is indeed different. If god gets the woman elope then it comes into prayer. If a common man does the same it becomes immoral. The girl you are talking about got out of her house by her own and married on her own. So what happened?"

He started saying - "you always talk opposite - Rules, traditions, culture, traditions are nothing? Do you know that girl and boy were of different caste".

I asked - "do they belong to human caste?"

He said - "Yes, what doubt is it in them being of human caste".

I said - "Then the marriage happened in the human caste. We have the history where great people have married out of human caste - for example Bheema married with Hidimba".

Such incidents are increasing, What's the reason that girl and boy have to run away to get married? 24-25 year old boys and girls have got the right to make the Indian government but not their life partner.

Everyday i hear about such incidents, two types of letter has got patented. the idea behind is this. One who has to marry by running away them as well as those who don't have to , both can use it.

Letter no. 1

Dear Father,

              I here have married Ramesh with Vedic traditions. We are good. Please don't worry. I hope that you and mother will forgive me.

                                                                                                                           Your daughter,
                                                                                                                             Sunita

Letter no. 2

Dear Ramesh,

             I cannot go against the wish of my parents. forgive me. You please get married and be happy. If you would be sad then I will never get peace. by heart I am yours. (After 4-5 years when you will come, then I will say to Pappu - "Son, say hi to uncle").

                                                                                                                            Yours,
                                                                                                                             Vinita

After that an interesting phenomenon starts, Parents says - "She has died for us, Now we will not even see her face". After some month when I go to them then that same girl brings the tea.

I asks them - "She has been dead for you?" And they says - "After all she is our daughter". Then I think one who is a daughter after all why she was not the daughter before all?

I am aware of parents feelings. It hurts when you see trust and tradition breaking. When Sherpa Tenzing came back from Mount Everest, someone asked him if there is Lord Shiva? then he replied no, he isn't there. A person with much pain told me that Tenzing should not have denied like that. I said - "He didn't find Lord Shiva there so he said he isn't there". The person said - "Still he should not have denied". I said - "But if he isn't there then......."

He said - "Even then he shouldn't have said 'no' ". I asked him - "Do you believe that lord Shiva is there?" He said - "We know that Lord Shiva is not there but have a belief in our heart that he is there and he is powerful and if some trouble will come on us, he will help us out".

False beliefs  also has a strong force. breaking of which makes sad instead of happy.

A person's daughter wanted to marry a boy of other caste. But her parents strong belief on the eternity of caste system came in the way. Boy was having a good income. But instead her parents married her to other boy of their own caste who not only had less income but also used to beat his wife. One day I told him that - I have heard that your daughter is in a bad condition. He beats her. The person didn't answer. but what would he have answered other than that - satisfaction is that she is getting beaten by own caste person.

After all what traditions these people talks about? What ideal they are following? Lord Rama is considered best male and Lady Sita best female. No better male-female can be imagined from these two neither our society has any marriage better than theirs. Tulsidas who created the best male says that in the garden after hearing the sound of Sita bracelet-bangle noise Lord Rama confesses to Lakshmana that it seems I am lost. Which means the bow of Rama's heart was broken at that very moment. pre-marital love happened and then married happened. Today what we are following by looking at it maybe it wasn't happened the way Tulsidas described. It would have been something like Rama would have asked Lakshamana whose sound is of this bracelets? Lakshamana would have said - It's King Janak daughter Sita. then Rama would have asked that if Janak belongs to our community? Lakshmana would have replied - Yes, King J.K. Singh is of our own community. Rama would have said - that's why my heart is vibrated. If he would have of some other community my heart won't have had any effect.

What do you will tell these boys and girls? Only that love has communities. There is one Hindu love, One Muslim love, One Brahman love, One thakur love, One Aggrawal love. If some Javed Aalam marries some Jayanti Guha, People make hue and cry into the country and sometime instigate riots also.

On these scenario going forward youngster's love scene would be something like this. Boy and girl meets and then talks start.
 Boy - are you a Brahman? and if you are then of which type of Brahman you are?
Girl - Why? what's the matter?
Boy- Nothing. Just I thought of loving you.
Girl- I am a khatri.
Boy- Then we can't be in love because I am a Brahman.

People says that after all, constant ideology and eternal tradition is also something. That's right but other than stupidity nothing is eternal tradition. Stupidity is immortal. It's gets alive again after dying multiple times.

On the other side I asks girls and boys that Vedas are here too and so is Vedic tradition, then why didn't you marry here and why you ran away to some other place?

They say - Here parents would have created troubles.

I understood. these youths will surely bring revolution but by maintaining status-quo.

The gentleman who used to gave me the news was saying that us seniors life long experiences also has some importance. I said - experience is important but more important is that what one learned from his experience. If someone in his 50-60 years experience only learned that to be a coward from everyone then this result of experience is doubtful. Someone else with the same amount of experience would have learned to not be afraid of anyone.

You are talking about 50-60 years. Earthworm in its million years of experience has learned that there should not be backbone.     

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(Let me know in comments if and how did you liked it, that's my only source of motivation :))

 

Start

Since morning my mood was off, it was even more tested with a friend's annoying request to which I didn't want to be part of.

Eventually I gave up and accepted the irritating request, it also ensured that the friendship has been damaged. I have come to believe that I am impossible to be friend with because...just say I am a dictator when it comes to myself. I am one of those guys who if ever get suspicious of being used or avoided or ignored or mocked will break everything in one go and move away. Once broken it's hard to rebuild. Ofcourse people try but let's face it I am not their priority, their life is their priority. Interestingly I am perfectly okay with it. I mean even though I break up internally i never think or believe that they owe me anything and if they ever apologize it only makes me feel guilty so I just secretly hope that they don't.

So today was it for that friend...well no more a friend I once believed he would be....So all in all the number of people I am at ease with is really minimum.

I don't like to be disturbed when I am thinking something, a wish which would never be fulfilled. I suddenly got a call from an unknown number. My first reaction to avoid it. I don't want a credit card or loan, neither I want to donate for the blinds, well not because money is dear to me , it is of course but because I don't trust the people who calls and ask for money. I don't want to be the idiot who thought he is donating money for good works and is laughed upon by few guys clinking their glasses of wine.

So I got tempted to cut the call but then I overcome that with the notion that it might be someone genuinely want to talk to me, so I picked the phone, thankfully. as I said "hello", some girl confirmed that it's me by calling my nick-name, it was my cousin. my paternal aunt daughter.

And then it stuck me. Why it's so weird? because just like friends I also don't give relatives any second chance. In fact so much of so that I consider relatives as human looking parasites. It has much to do with my personal experience. I have forced myself out of that web.

I had no contacts with any of my relatives since long and frankly speaking I really didn't want to with most of them. But this cousin of mine is special she is a link to my childhood. She is a younger sister and also perhaps my first friend to whom I really got along well. I always felt that we had a relation which would never be deteriorated with our falling families relations. We always have a mutual likeliness and respect mainly because our friendship was made on innocence.

However I quickly overcame my surprise and got along well with the flow. She was not hesitant which is an inborn trait in me...that's why maybe we get along well. maybe we inspire each other to somewhat degree. We were talking after 10 years and 10 years before I guess we talked after 5 years. So naturally we came really really long way......She matured as a girl and well I was born matured just got more and more arrogant with time.

Hence we talked for long understandably I was the listener for most part of it. But after long long time it felt really good to connect with my sister. Knowing myself I would have probably never contacted her out of the doubtfulness as if I should or not.

Now it seems like a new start where we would take forward with whatever our aging parents had in common. Probably with a more open mindset as we don't have issues to resolve between us and say have a more positive and open outlook.            

Stop it!!

I feel It's that time again, I am feeling down, sad and lonely. more internally than externally.

I guess I consciously try to avoid talking about myself, my insecurities but today I won't hold any bar. What's wrong with me? I guess I am born 20 years or so late. I don't gel very well with the current culture. I always feel left alone. Of course it's my behaviors which are the main reason.

I will talk about myself only, today 04-07-2013 05:02 AM I am still awake with a very stoic feelings. This feeling is not new to me but it still strike afresh and it's so very effective. What triggered this feeling? Well say news of someone getting seperated who never was really close to me but I really adored her throughout.

I never talked to her, never touched her. She barely knew about my existence in the world. And now the news that perhaps I will never see her again is so killing me. I don't know how to overcome it. and it disturbed me so much of so that even a lazy person like me is forced to write it down in hope that I may find some solace.

Loneliness is crushing and to most of us it's a big monster, but in my case it's even more scathing because I am the reason of my loneliness, my doubts, my stubbornness, my values and my ego. All in all I am an unbearable soul and it can well be said that I don't have the right to crib since I am the culprit.

When I look at my parents who are getting older and the thought that they will be gone one day shatters me so much that I desperately try to not to think on that line but it's inevitable. It's law of nature. Still I feel I would never be able to come to terms with the idea of my existence without them. They always complains that I don't call. Well I don't because a) I am a procrastinator and b) I really have nothing to talk to them.Still I feel my existence is nullified without my parents.

Next when I think about my friends. I was and am an introvert. I didn't make much friends. But I thought I made quality friends. They all have special places in my heart even though to a few I am not on a talking terms. I lost virtually all of them and they too got busy in their respective lives. I am not complaining I mean this is how it happens what I miss that had I been a bit more expressive and active maybe I would have maintained a better tie with my friends.

My Love life , a total disaster. had one relationship which I consider as a relationship and I really don't know how the other party thinks of it now maybe a fluke. My mistake was to think that I am acceptable even though my anti outgoing nature. Of course she made me believe that I am special and stuff but think about it doesn't all the guys in love feels similar way. And the biggest bonus for sure was to know the inevitable breakup, the inability to accept it and desperately trying to mend what is already broken. All my dreams and aspirations which I shared with her or which I made her a part of started haunting me. A metaphor would be when a person sees his own house being turned into debris and all he could do is stand and hope that something miraculous will happen and everything will be as what he planned.

I won't say I came out stronger on the other side but something like that. It made sure that I will be always avoiding any serious relationship. what I feel I gone through and the pessimist I am I can only hope that at the very best the same would be repeated. So I decided to take as it comes and avoid relationships, well honestly avoid opportunities. I still fantasize some pretty girl professing about her inner feelings for me and how most of my moves were so attractive and what I consider my weakness is actually cute and other embarrassing truth. These fantasies keeps me afloat, keeps my morale at level if not really high and also it passes the time really well.

But in the time like these when someone I had a huge crush on and to whom I never made a move because let's say I was too coward is silently going out of my life. Those fantasies are proven shallow, not a great feeling. Anyway there was nothing and there was nothing going to erupt, then why the hell I feel sad and why only me and why not those crushes? Those beautiful face which you can't ignore, you can't dislike I mean how can you, who hates a smiling baby? Similarly this girl was/is adorable, graceful, down to earth and married. A look at her relieves a lot of worldly worries. And I won't be able to see that again is really saddening.

In the counter argument one can say that I would find another girl to have a crush on. I don't think I will considering the circumstances around but let's say maybe I will but even though it doesn't lessens anything because the attachment I had on this girl will not be carried over to the new girl. This attachment will remain their unfulfilled and then a new attachment will start with the new person and then whole thing altogether again.

with this good girl I fantasized that I will tell her a beautiful story which I read in childhood and which I am sure she didn't ever hear and I felt we will have a bond and understanding and henceforth. Which story? I can't declare it's reserved for her or maybe someone like her.

Why are we cursed in this strange way, Why we have such a world where neither being a woman is easy nor being a man. It's not that we are incomplete without each other It's more of that we are not meant to be complete.

Anyway I feel she would always be there in my heart just like my parents and my friends are though none of them are destined to be with me always.

Do I regret that she will never come to know as how I felt about her? I am sure that I do. I feel like if message of my feeling would have been traversed to her even without any of her reciprocation I feel my feelings for her would have got more meaningfulness. But when I get above personal gratification and start looking into bigger picture maybe it's good that these feelings stayed with me than getting out in blue water and creating nuisances.

I am thinking if by chance she reads it , will she by some mystical intuition come to know that it's written about her? practically thinking she can't because I haven't left any hint. I think I am a dreamer and gets disturbed every time when my dream is broken. But It feels great in living in dream because we create a better world than the world we live in. We love better in dreams.

Don't know how to ends this, writing it down certainly helped though it didn't get rid of my frustrations, I guess it just synchronized them.

Let's hope that there comes an end to these cycles but that's almost like hoping for world peace.